inside outsider

What does it mean to be an inside outsider? Have you ever been named “member of the year” of a group that you were not officially a member of? Have you ever wanted to participate in a group that you were the invited guest, more than the actual member did? Have you ever been told that you could be listed with a member, but did not qualify to be a member and then have that member choose not to list you but invite you to everything? Have you ever been an inside outsider? Oh, they let you work for the group. But, if you don’t own a boat, you are not eligible to be a member of this club. It’s all about the bylaws and they are enforced inconsistently!

Recently, my cousin mentioned how her family ostracized her brother’s wife to the point that they had to move away. She told her that “no one would talk to me at family gatherings”. Is that even possible? To be “in a family” but shut out, ignored and made to feel like an outsider within the family circle?

How does it feel? It feels peculiar. Everyone wants to belong. Abraham Maslow provided a hierarchy of needs pyramid that demonstrated how very important feelings of love and belonging are to self actualization. According to him, you can’t be “the best that you can be” or your highest self, unless you have achieved all the prior levels of basic needs.

All I can say at this moment is that I have met these needs outside this particular disappointment. Thank goodness, there is more than one way to get to the pinnacle. I wonder how many others will be held up at level 3- waiting to be welcomed in to a group, feel that sense of belonging with family,friends, or others. Recently, I read that joining a group was as health invoking as quitting smoking. I don’t think it counts unless you can actually join the group and feel like a member.  I think I will leave this group and find another!! Everyone belongs somewhere, so I can keep looking for a better fit. It’s cheaper than buying a particular brand of boat!.