happiness is

Turtles denote pacing yourself, using the shell you carry with you always to withdraw to a safe place until you are ready to venture forth again, moving steadily across land and sea, ageless, timeless wisdom.

My mother used to say, we make our own happiness. She said that its not what things look like on the outside, but what’s inside that counts. One of her favorite sayings was “pretty is- as pretty does”, so I guess that means, “happy is -as happy does”? She also was a stickler, “wipe that unhappy look off your face, or you will have something to be unhappy about”. I suppose it was the German heritage that influenced her view that “things can always get worse”, so don’t wait for a better day or a better time to smile and be happy. Smiling actually changes your mood and the mood of those around you. Mom was ahead of her time!!!

Are you happy? How do you define happiness?

Can you buy happiness? What makes you happy? Is it things or possessions?

Dr. Gordon Livingston named the “3 components of happiness”: 1. Something to do,  2. Someone to love, 3. Something to look forward to.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu

Hmmm….happiness, love, courage…….what is the key? Is there a door to happiness? Is it in place, or person or thing? Or is it “in us”? Do we have the key inside and only we can produce it?

Does it take courage to “put on a happy face”? The musical Bye Bye Birdie made this song famous.  http://restart.typepad.com/files/10-put-on-a-happy-face-2.mp3

“Pick out a pleasant outlook and put on a happy face”…..”Spread sunshine all over the place and put on a happy ,happy face.”

Happiness is subjective. It’s like “orientation”, one of the examinations for mental status. It’s specific to Person, Time, Place and Situation. It can be assessed externally by what people describe, but no one knows how another person feels or experiences it. It’s like pain. Pain is “whatever someone says it is”. So, is happiness, it seems. It seems to be elusive for some who have everything to be happy about and present for others who we wonder how they could have anything to be happy about.

Reminds me of that little kid song, “If you are happy and you know it—clap your hands, if you are happy and you know it stomp your feet, if you are happy and you know it sing out loud, if you are happy and you know, then YOUR LIFE WILL SURELY SHOW IT….”

Happiness is a hot topic. There is scientific research to support measures to become happier in the book “The How of Happiness- A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want” by Sonja Lyubomisrky. The author names the 5 “hows” behind sustainable happiness.

1. Positive emotion 2. Optimal timing and variety 3. social support 4. Motivation effort and commitment 5. Habit  The author cites research and states very “matter of factly”, that IF you wish to enjoy a real increase in your own personal happiness, it is attainable.  IF you do the work- make the decision and commitment, invest the effort with discipline,  then you can know that it will happen.

The author asked people to name what they thought would make them happy. After a long list of things, like a relationship, a baby, more money, more time, etc. she stated the obvious.

This is the most powerful statement on happiness,  What we believe would make a huge difference in our lives actually, according to scientific research, makes only a small difference, while we overlook the true sources of personal happiness and well being.

So, could that really be true? I have heard that people who lose weight, believe they will be so happy when they get to a certain size ,find that it didn’t  add to their happiness. In fact, some of them gave up things that were more gratifying than the end result in their weight. What about a great view? Would that make you happy if you had to give up a lot of other things that are satisfying to get this one?

She divided people into three sets, those who have happiness influenced by “intentional activity= 40%”, those influenced by “circumstances-10%”and those influenced by a ” genetically determined set point= 50%”. Essentially, we are not as influenced by circumstances as our actions and our original nature.

Ok, back to the beginning and my philosophy. It was summarized by Dr. Gordon Livingston. How can anyone be happy?  Selective attention. If we choose to focus our awareness and energy on those things and people that bring us pleasure and satisfaction, we have a very good chance of being happy in a world full of unhappiness. He says it’s a true wonder of humankind and a testament to courage that we can bring ourselves , even momentarily, to enjoy life even as we are surrounded by evidence of its brevity and potential for disaster.

Happiness is all ours, is whatever we say it is, and ultimately our choice.