Taking Stock

WATCH your THOUGHTS, for they become WORDS, which become ACTIONS, which become your CHARACTER, which becomes your DESTINY.

Have you ever been so busy with your routine activities of daily living with little thought to how you may be perceived by others until something caused you to come to a standstill and take stock? Taking stock……….what does that look like?

To take stock (of something) is to think carefully about a situation or event and form an opinion about it, so that you can decide what to do. (Definition of take stock from the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary & Thesaurus © Cambridge University Press)

Because our life situation is the result of our own intentional and purposeful creation, there is really no need for judgment or separation. We don’t have to learn anything or even try to be free of judgment. It comes by itself. Each moment comes equipped with everything we need in order to proceed on the path of self-evolvement. One of the greatest discoveries we are about to make is just this: ‘…It comes by itself’. So far, all we have done is try to change things because we thought they were wrong or not good enough. What we are learning now is to give in to the moment and see the treasures it brings to us. By allowing ourselves to experience duality shifts from right to wrong, yes to no, good to bad, etc. often enough and intensively enough, we find that the confusion this generates within, is suddenly lifted and replaced with clarity. Andreas Moritz

So, as we decide to “take stock”, its all a very subjective and personal experience. It’s a road to understanding ourselves and where we are going.

If we believe that our thoughts ( beliefs are repeated thoughts) and our actions determine our current position or if we believe that all of the things and our current situation that we pause to “take stock” of has come by itself– does that change how we decide what to do?

We don’t have to decide, but not to decide is to decide. If someone points to a flaw in our behavior, we could take it to heart, review the particulars with a couple of close friends for feedback and validation, or shrug it off. What would you do?

If several people think you are choosing to spend more than you are reimbursed to maintain a career path, does that change why we chose to spend money this way or the intangible value that goes beyond money for us?

If your family wants you to do something that you don’t want to do, should you take stock? Should you consider something higher than your wants, their wants or the other “wants” in the equation? Where do wants and needs divide? Do people who want your presence, really need it? Who decides? Its all very subjective. There is no clear black and white answer. It goes back to “taking stock”- think carefuly- form an opinion- take action.

A friend of mine was bemoaning turning 50 in a week. I empathized, because I am not having a milestone birthday, but I am taking a hard look around at my own life. Isn’t that what people are expected to do on the decade marker birthdays? In fact everyone has heard of “Midlife Crisis”, experienced it or known someone who did. It’s a recognized stage of life in Erickson’s “Generativity vs Stagnation”.

“Every adult, whether he is a follower or a leader, a member of a mass or of an elite, was once a child. He was once small. A sense of smallness forms a substratum in his mind, ineradicably. His triumphs will be measured against this smallness, his defeats will substantiate it. The questions as to who is bigger and who can do or not do this or that, and to whom—these questions fill the adult’s inner life far beyond the necessities and the desirabilities which he understands and for which he plans.” – Erik H. Erikson (1902–1994), U.S. psychoanalyst. Childhood and Society, ch. 11 (1950).

Beginning in the 1980s, the term midlife crisis got a lot of attention, says Dan Jones, PhD, director of the Counseling and Psychological Services Center at Appalachian State University, Boone, N.C. He has researched adult development and transitions.“It was never a formal diagnostic category,” he says of the term midlife crisis. And the age at which midlife crisis strikes can vary, he says. When midlife occurs depends on whom you ask and partly on such factors as how long they expect to live.A midlife crisis might occur anywhere from about age 37 through the 50s, he says.By whatever term, the crisis or transition tends to occur around significant life events, he says, such as your youngest child finishing college, or a “zero” birthday announcing to the world that you’re entering a new decade.“The death of parents can be a marker, too, for these midlife events,” Jones says.

The Midlife Crisis as a Normal Stage in Life continued

In midlife, people often reevaluate their priorities and goals, Jones finds.

Midlife Crisis: Path to Depression or Growth?

The midlife transition can be enlightening for some but also tough, agrees Joan R. Sherman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Lancaster, Pa. Whether a midlife transition will develop into serious depression or into an opportunity for growth depends on a number of factors, including support from partners and other loved ones.

When Midlife Crisis Turns Into Depression

Not everyone glides through their midlife transition that easily, of course, Jones says. In midlife, people need to be aware of symptoms of serious depression, such as:

• Change in eating habits
• Change in sleeping habits, fatigue
• Feelings of pessimism or hopelessness
• Restlessness, anxiety or irritability
• Feeling of guilt, helplessness or worthlessness
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex and hobbies
• Thoughts of suicide or attempts at suicide
• Physical aches or pains such as headaches or gastrointestinal upset that don’t respond to treatment

Rather than letting fear and anxiety restrict your life choices and leave you in a rut, experts say you can look at a midlife crisis as an opportunity for personal growth.

Linda Sapadin, author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph over Your Worries and Get on with Your Life, recommends these steps for using a midlife crisis to your advantage:

• Do one gutsy thing. Do something despite feeling uncomfortable or fearful about it. “That’s one way to move outside of your comfort zone, rather than be depressed, anxious, or dissatisfied, which is the essence of a midlife crisis,” says Sapadin.
• Use children as role models. Most people are ashamed to admit they’re jealous of their kids. But you could look to them as role models during this time. If they’re not afraid to take a risk or do something, you may be able to learn from them and become more socially and physically active.
• Delight in difficulty. Reframe how you think about difficulty. Rather than thinking of something difficult as exhausting or that you can’t do it, think of it as an opportunity to pick up skills you never thought you’d have, such as taking up a new sport or hobby. You can do it as an individual, couple, or as a family.

“When people at midlife stop worrying so much about pleasing others and measuring themselves by other peoples’ standards, then they begin to think more about what they want, and that is a positive aspect of a midlife crisis,” says Sapadin.

http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/averting-midlife-crisis-8/works

http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/guide/midlife-crisis-opportunity

Bottom line, we are all going through natural processes when we engage in taking stock. That’s reassuring. Just recently I pressed another friend to tell me what they wanted. Really wanted- mind you, not something little you could go pick up at the store, but something big that changes your life, fulfills meaningfulness and offers deep contentment. Isn’t this what we need to hear- stop worrying about pleasing others or measuring our life by others- focus on what you want. That’s the positive point of taking stock. Are you doing what you love, are you where you want to be, are you closer to having what you want?

If you are, your stock is going up- in your own estimation. If not, you can make gains. You can profit from a good hard look. As the little clip on MSN today indicated- you can’t keep moving your investments, but once a year you should take a long hard look and change what’s not serving you well for something you hope will.

The stages http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development#Care:_Generativity_vs._Stagnation_.28Middle_Adulthood.2C_40_to_65_years.29