He said- She said

I recently got so upset about something that seems silly in hindsight. The issue is a repeated pattern of someone acting like they are glad to do something as requested, but going beyond that line into doing what they think should be done.  It’s not what you asked to be done- and then causes you to have to do more things. It’s not either the action or over-reaction. It’s the question, “Are you trying to kill me by degrees of aggravation”? Who doesn’t listen? Who keeps being surprised by the same actions over and over again?

The body’s ability to heal is reduced by 60% when there is conflict within a relationship. Being nasty to someone else is actually self abuse- you are damaging your immune system, causing yourself brain damage, influencing your genes negatively, increasing your body’s risk of disease by 95%, and changing the energy in your body. It will take 21 days to reverse this negative response, after a heated conflict or argument. The disagreement is not the problem. It’s the lack of management of conflict by working through things to agree to disagree or managing the relationship to avoid a toxic pattern of reactions to differences.

You are the only one in control of your emotions. When you go into toxic stress, you don’t even hear each other.  When we speak”Always” and” never “, these are hopeless words.

Very often the reason you are getting so angry is that toxic patterns have developed in relationships over time. The unexamined life is not worth living. These thoughts that are developed by habit causes an automatic reaction. That fuse keeps reigniting and reigniting in the amygdala. Your emotional perceptions are not being self regulated when you are toxic with negative emotions and patterns of reactions over time. ( Dr. Caroline Leaf, 2018)

Be quick to listen, and slow to speak. Observe the words and choose words that operate in love.