coveted connections

What is a connection? Why would we covet one? What would be the one we choose as the “most coveted connection”?  I have never used that term before. Have you ever considered who you find energizing or reassuring? Have you ever considered who you find draining and frustrating? Do we have people in our lives who we feel this way with and why?

Everyone does, whether they identify it or not. If you were in a crisis situation, would you seek out the person who energizes or drains? If your resources are tapped to the maximum and you can’t see which way is up, it’s never going to help you to allow that drain to continue.  It’s a life saving situation, just as much as if your whitewater raft flipped and rocks were everywhere. You can’t afford to count on someone who won’t be able to pull you out of dangerous waters and save you from the rocks of disaster.

Have you heard about the co-dependent no more philosophy of “detach with love”? Have you heard about the principle of no one operates in a vacuum? Every person that is in your life or touches your life, has an impact on you and your overall life.

So, what is it to be connected? Wayne Dyer speaks of our “connection to source”. We all find solace in a “feeling of belonging” and much research has documented the positive relationship between physical health and social connection, through clubs, or churches or organizations where we experience that sense of belonging. The Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum is a special place that bonds many kindred souls- through the love of the bay, the history of the watermen’s skills, the restoration of boats that have seen bygone eras, the lived experiences of those who share their stories, the commonality that brings comfort and reassurance. Churches add spirituality benefits, for physical health and the community of caring and sharing, with someone else in your life of “like mindedness” satisfies an important need.

What is something we covet? Something we “wish for longingly”. What is a connection? It can be something inanimate like a link, or conveyance or means to an end. I think of it as more person centered. I choose the definition -“A person, especially one of influence or importance, with whom one is associated, as by kinship or common interests.”

Do you know who your most coveted connection is or who you feel exerts the most influence and thereby is the most important person with whom you associate? There is an old saying ” we become more like the people we spend time with”.

Todd Henry in The Accidental Creative, says:

As you survey the broad array of relationships in your life, do you spend time with people who…

• challenge you to be better?
• call out your BS and don’t let you coast?
• model professionalism to you?
• question your assumptions?
• root for your success?
• mourn your failures?
• introduce you to new ideas?
• share their doubts or struggles?
• …???

Who are these people for you? One thing I’ve learned about relationships is that I tend to become more like the people I spend the most time with. Because of that, I try to spend as much time as possible with people I want to be more like.

I would just like to add that we determine what we find important and meaningful. It is different for everyone. I can’t choose your most coveted connection or who you would benefit from spending more time with. Only you can make that decision. But, I can encourage you to make it consciously, or otherwise you may find in hindsight, that it could have mattered more than you realize.

I like to be around people who have the “ability to reframe a conversation in just a few words”. The people who help me most are those who are willing to listen deeply, to help me find clarity, to help me see things honestly, to help me discover creative concepts and elegant solutions. I remember a wise teacher of mine said, “look for an elegant solution”. What is that, I asked? Finding an elegant solution is much harder than simply solving a problem. Most of the time a less than elegant solution will cause more unforeseen problems- the “unintended consequences” we all find disturbing sequels.

An elegant solution is discovered when we are connected to source and sharing our struggles with our most coveted connections. Then, we solve our problems in the most simple and effective manner. How much clarity do we experience when someone appeals to our heart, rather than our mind? When someone becomes deeply involved by familiarity and cements that identifying bond that is recognizable as true connection, we experience that raw unconsidered moment – when life is lived to its fullest. That’s when you know- who your most coveted connections really are!!

Dive in to your own life! Appreciate all your relationships, but value the ones that bring you to the fullest life possible!

Don’t be afraid, because the sun’s still warm in the shade….just celebrate this day.

From Celebrate Tonight, Allen Stone.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnXtnMtEEWU

Even more than happiness and optimism, love holds the key to improving our mental and physical health as well as lengthening our lives. Using research from her own lab, Fredrickson redefines love not as a stable behemoth, but as micro-moments of connection between people—even strangers. In her recent book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do and Become, Professor Barbara Fredrickson says, “Although you may subscribe to a whole host of definitions of love, your body subscribes to just one: Love is that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being.”  “The love you do or do not experience today may quite literally change key aspects of your cellular architecture next season and next year – cells that affect your physical health, your vitality, and your overall wellbeing.” – http://positivityresonance.com/

I also like her three-component definition of love: “Love is the momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or more positive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person’s biochemistry and behaviors; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.”  That’s connection- the kind I covet!