Afterwards and then

Wish you were still home for the holidays? Tucked away in a snow bank, sipping hot chocolate?

Dragging today?  Wonder why time moves so fast when you are having fun and drags along “after” you have had all that fun? The day after a holiday is a day back at work.

When you reflect on the blessings in your life, you will discover that you have more than enough to be grateful.  Remember that joy is not in things; it is in us and in the ways we choose to respond to life’s difficult times. Life itself, even in its darkest moments, is a gift. I am thankful and I do appreciate the season.

What did I like best?  Christmas Card 2013 My brother “drew my name’ and gave me a small gift of money with a card. Inside it read, “Sis, Live free and be yourself, with Love, Your Brother Bennie”. I was very touched for several reasons. He’s a bit self-absorbed and has a caustic tongue. He never volunteers to help anyone and most of us doubt if he’s even aware of what’s happening in everyone else’s life. But, every now and then “he” surfaces and I am amazed at how he processes things. I suppose he just doesn’t express his softer side often and that’s what I felt- his love and acceptance.

What did I like least? I ate too much, I was cranky with a child, I was tired when I would have liked to have more energy to enjoy more things to the fullest. Could I have done better? Maybe, maybe not. I did the best I could, given the circumstances of travel, noise, activity and sensory overload.

“The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.” – Paul Tillich

After the holiday gatherings, I have embraced reality and settled back in for some serious decision making.  Not because I love to make big decisions, mind you, but because I have put them off as long as I can! I find “deciding” or accepting limits of my own making by closing off some options and choosing others- quite frightening. It’s a situation where you “want it all”, but you can’t have it all. You have to decide what you want most or need most and make a deliberate choice. In general, I like to “keep my options open” and not make any large commitments. I don’t want to promise time or specific dates, because that sews up my openness to the “moment”. I don’t want to promise anything longterm, because I don’t know how long I have. I feel finite and limited, so I want to avoid all additional feelings of being “boxed” in with commitments.

Isn’t that something a teenager would say? Nope, they can’t think that far ahead. They think they can do it all and be it all….remember, we were invincible and unable to see how we might change one day. I don’t think they have these feelings of aged humanity.  It is very selfish and immature of me, I admit. So, I can see the error of my ways. I just don’t feel comfortable YET with changing them. Well, I can change a little at a time. I have decided to reduce my expenses by making a change in my living arrangments. I feel good about it and if it turns out to be as positive as I expect, great. If it does not, I shall just have to undo and extricate myself from what I have done. I am not above “making mistakes” or admitting them or undoing them. The opportunity to move forward is balanced with the opportunity to retreat. Why are great generals the only ones to use the forward and backwards motion, to achieve great ends? Let’s try it, if necessary.:)

General George Washington set six rules for the actions of his Army.

1. Never attack a position in front which you can gain by turning.
2. Charges of Cavalry should be made if possible on the flanks of infantry.
3. The first qualification of a soldier is fortitude under fatigue and privation. Courage is only the second. Hardship, poverty and actual want are the soldier’s best school.
4. Nothing is so important in war as an undivided command.
5. Never do what the enemy wishes you to do.
6. A General of ordinary talent, occupying a bad position and surprised by superior force, seeks safety in retreat; but a great captain supplies all deficiencies by his courage and marches boldly to meet the attack

Oops…..Well,maybe I should forget retreating. Should I let the best decisions I can make today, set me on a blazing path to the end? “March boldly to meet the attack”…ok, at least we have this on good authority. We don’t celebrate the heroism of Iwo Jima for nothing. There is great symbolism in being sure and steadfast, making no excuses and accepting none. “Uncommon Valor Was a Common Virtue” as cited by Admiral Chester W. Nimitz on the Marine Memorial in Arlington, VA.

I guess I have just talked myself out of backtracking before I even get going good. It is so hard to “live in the moment”. I am constantly looking back and looking ahead.  Let me try again….to not think about “afterwards and then”….It is pointless. Who has a crystal ball?  As a good friend told me once, “God has not blessed you to be a mind reader” and ” you only know what you know right now- things change and we change with them”.  But what about “discretion is the better part of valor”?

Let’s take a pledge for flexibility in the New Year. And, taking better care of ourselves each day we have. Let’s move ahead and be ready to “regroup”. Like General Washington also said “never attack a position from the front that you can gain by turning”- sort of a sideways approach. Isn’t that a bit of strategy that is intended for “flexible” movement? We are moving forward, but not necessarily in a linear or predictable manner.

Isn’t all this decision making so stressful? Focus is the antidote to stress. The Stimulating Breath is a yoga technique that floods your body with oxygen through rapid breaths. Keep your mouth closed and breathe through your nose, quick short breaths, to engage your diaprhagm. Breathe deep into your belly for a stress free top of the world feeling. Have you noticed how we are often told in upsetting situations, “Easy now, just take a deep breath” and calm yourself? Great idea! Let’s focus on what we can control and make the best choices we can with things under our control.

Another stress relief point is touch. Remember how soothing it is to hold a puppy? Fur therapy is what my friends call it. It works for any animal. They help lower your blood pressure and reduce stress. Find something that releases endorphins and increases your happiness in 2014.  This is a picture from Thanksgiving. Mom was making bread. Is cooking something that relaxes you? I find it very stressful, but “to each his own”. 🙂