you are you

Have you ever wondered why *you* are the way *you* are? Why *you* like what *you* like and do what *you* do?

I have a theory on this that is supported by both psychological research and physiological research. Want to hear more?

Let’s start with Dr. Kazimierz Dabrowski (1902-1980), a polish psychologist, psychiatrist and physician who spent a lifetime developing his Theory of Positive Disintegration-  which describes how a person’s development grows as a result of accumulated experiences. “Disintegration” refers to the maturing of thoughts, and it is positive when the process moves one’s personality to a more developed level.

A basic premise of Dabrowski’s theory is that most of us have a primary integration of ourselves during the adoption of prevailing social standards and mores. Most of us accept and live by these external social expectations with little question or conflict. Spurred by developmental potential, exemplary individuals come into conflict when their developing internal values and perceptions clash with the external views and mores they had previously inculcated. Dabrowski  described these periods as positive disintegration that challenge and eventually disintegrate the primary integration and lead to periods of deep reflection and soul-searching. And, finally he explains that this positive disintegration culminates in the emergence of an internally generated hierarchy of values, aims and goals. Ultimately a unique personality ideal emerges, representing the kind of person the individual wishes to strive to become. Advanced development is described as a secondary integration characterized by a comfortable adherence to one’s own unique values, goals and ideals.

So, in simple language, your personality and preferences develop over your lifetime. You become “more so” of who you always were as you face your inner self and embrace your uniqueness. All of this takes soul searching and personal insights gained over time. It is not done lightly. It takes periods of transition and coming to grips with new parts of yourself or new viewpoints you have accepted.

Do you like the mixture of wood and steel in the first photo? If you have tracked my photo preferences over time, you will notice that I like natural materials, useful design that mixes aesthetics, light, green building, reuse of old structures, barns in country sides and coastal places.  *You* may prefer something totally different. My preferences are constantly expanding and narrowing. Expanding to things I didn’t know I liked and narrowing to the things I like best.

Kate Mackinnon wrote about the wholeness of the person. I really like a simple line found in her poem Whole.

……..my body, a treasure chest, its cellular secrets under lock and key until the moment they were ready to be freed……….

Your body houses your personality. You are more than the sum of your parts. *You* are whole when you find the key to merging all of yourself- mind, body , spirit, soul.

We seek balance in all things. With Kate’s work , she reaches the whole person through a practice based on physical touch. http://kmackinnon.com/ 

In an excerpt from her book From My Hands and Heart:

Safe, gentle touch—a basic premise of this therapy—has a powerful effect. Touch has been used since ancient times in all cultures for supporting people’s healing processes. The need for it is so deeply hardwired into our nervous systems that babies die when they are not touched enough.Think back to a time when you were under a lot of stress in your life. How often during that time did you withdraw from those around you? In truth, the best support in stressful times would be for you to reach out physically to your friends and loved ones. The act of touching can be a profound and deeply meaningful act. When we are touched in a way that’s supportive and not invasive, we can relax. There’s a quality in that kind of touch through which we feel heard. When people first receive this kind of touch they’ll often comment on it, saying something like, “I can’t tell the difference between your hand and my body. It feels like they are connected.”

I hope you enjoyed this little trip inside….*me* and *you*.